|
| June 28,
2003... So Long, and Thanks for All the
Fish |
Looks like this will be the grand
finale, folks. I had originally scheduled the last
update for Monday, but I'll be working that day. That's
right, I finally found work. It's not the kind of job
I'd hoped for, and it won't help me save my apartment at this
late hour, but it will put food on the table and cash
in my pocket. Best of all, since it's only part time
work, I'll have plenty of time to look for a more permanent
career, possibly in the video game industry. I've got
the experience, I've got the talent, and I've got the
references... all I need is for someone at one of the major
gaming publications to notice me. I guess it's time for
me to prepare a killer resume and send it to the
industry's big players!
Well, before I go, I'd like to
thank everyone who's supported the site over the past six
years. That includes both my loyal readers and talented
contributors. Phil and John in particular deserve a big
hand for all their help... they've done so much for the site,
and I couldn't possibly thank them enough for being there when
I needed them.
Next week, the hiatus begins and
the regular updates end. I can't promise you when The
Gameroom Blitz will return, because frankly, even I don't
know. Your best bet is to check the forum occasionally
for news about the site.
| June 27,
2003... Strong Enough for a Man, Made for an
Idiot |
I have seen the future of men's
television. And frankly, that future isn't very
bright.
Last night,
TNN debuted three new adult cartoons on a
programming block similar to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim
line-up. Actually, one of the shows isn't entirely
new... Ren and Stimpy have been on television for over a
decade now, but you've never seen them like this. Most
of the delightful surreal humor from the original series has
been replaced with an endless procession of the most
tasteless jokes ever aired on television. Any fan
of the original series who suspected that Ren and Stimpy were
more than friends will have absolutely no doubt after watching
the new show.
Maybe it's the homophobia
talking, but I don't like Ren and Stimpy as much now that
they're out of the closet. In the past, there was a
certain warped innocence to their friendship, but in the new
show, the producers have added an element of sexual
tension that's unnecessary at best and tasteless at
worst. In fact, the only thing Ren and Stimpy's
more intimate relationship contributes to the show are a lot
of unpleasant sight gags and immature gay
jokes.
The new Ren and Stimpy was kind
of a letdown, but it was still more entertaining than Gary the
Rat. This cartoon started its life on the Internet, and
its origins are obvious... it looks like it's still being
animated with Flash or Shockwave. Even with the
mediocre artwork, Gary the Rat could have gotten by on its
humor, but that's another problem... it doesn't have much of
it to go around. After watching shows like The Critic
and Futurama, I expect animated sitcoms to hit me with a rapid
fire assault of jokes, and Gary the Rat just doesn't do
that. Instead, the writers focus primarily on Gary
himself, who simply isn't interesting enough to warrant so
much attention. If you want to watch a show about a
sleazy manbeast, you'd be better off just catching a rerun of
Duckman instead.
Finally, there's Stripperella,
the biggest surprise of the bunch. I expected this one
to shamelessly pander to TNN's target demographic. It
certainly does, but the great thing is that the writers aren't
afraid to poke some fun at the ridiculous premise, and even
the star of the show. When Stripperella struts her stuff
at the local nudie bar under the stage name "Erotica", the men
are so impressed with her performance that they drop gold bars
at her feet and push away the strippers already giving them a
lap dance! The animation is standard stuff... certainly
acceptable, but not fantastic. What's more important is
that the show is fresh and cleverly written. It's my
favorite of TNN's new animated series.
Nevertheless, the TNN
cartoon lineup is pretty weak in comparison to Adult
Swim, or even Comedy Central's unadvertised block of animated
sitcoms. It does have promise, but it'll only improve if
TNN is willing to spend the money necessary to add new shows
(hopefully better ones than Gary the Rat).
| June 26,
2003... Russ to
Judgment |
I just added another handful of
Russ Beleski's reviews to the Game Boy Advance
section. They ought to keep you folks entertained for
the rest of the day.
Just a clarification in case one
is necessary... when the site goes on hiatus, I won't be
shutting it down completely. You just won't see any new
updates until I'm ready to begin work on The Gameroom Blitz
again. I may post on the forum from time to time,
but that's about as active as the site is likely to get until
I've found a steady job and another apartment.
| June 25,
2003... Meet Your
Maker |
I need to get caught up on my
E-mail correspondence today, so I'll just give you a sneak
peek of the last Zoo Logic comic I'll publish before the site
goes on summer vacation. You'll also find a couple of
other fun surprises on this page... if, that
is, you know where to look.
Oh, yeah!
There's just one more thing I probably should
mention. Every time my aunt visits the family, she
always brings me something nice from my favorite hangout
in Arizona, Bookman's. This time, she was
kind enough to give me a copy of the Playstation's
underground hit RPG Maker. As the name
suggests, it allows you to design your own adventure games,
and judging from the two very thick instruction manuals
included in the package, it's a very flexible utility.
I won't be able to
spend enough time with RPG Maker to do anything
productive with it, but if you guys know of any sites I
could visit to get more information about it, I'd be in your
debt.
| June 24,
2003... General
Maintenence |
The site's going on hiatus in
less than a week, but I'll do my best to keep you entertained
until that happens. I've finished the lists on the
Neo-Geo page and I'll be adding the rest of Russ Beleski's
Game Boy Advance reviews in a couple of days.
| June 23,
2003... RIP Eric
Longdin |
Whoa... this was just a bit late,
wasn't it? I wanted to update on Saturday but I was busy
moving everything out of my apartment except the absolute
necessities. You know, like the television set and
computer.
Anyway, I've done a lot of
maintenence on the site over the weekend... there's not much
in the way of new content but the majority of the review pages
have been redesigned. I've also replaced
the Akane hammer graphic with something new... from now
on, the worst of the games reviewed on this site will
be labelled with The Gameroom Blitz Super Suck
vortex. Whenever you see this picture next to one of the
reviews...
...you can count on
that game sucking with all the voracious force of a black
hole. I don't have a label for excellent games yet, but
since I'll be on hiatus in a week you'll have to wait a while
before you'll see one.
There's just one more thing I
wanted to mention. A little bit of fandom died a
few weeks ago... Eric Longdin, the editor of
the personal newsletter Splat!, passed away last month
after a lengthy battle with heart
disease. Although I didn't know him very well,
I do know that he was important to a lot of
people, particularly other fanzine editors on the east
coast. All I can say is this... thanks, Eric.
Thanks for sharing your life with the rest of us while you
were still here.
| June 20,
2003... Toe-plan? To-a-plan? How
the Hell is That
Pronounced? |
Long time friend and reader Russ
Beleski was kind enough to send some Game Boy Advance
reviews. You'll find the first handful of them in
Advance Theory. I've also finished the best and worst lists in
the Nintendo review page.
I've heard that Cave, the creator
of the spectacular Dodonpachi series,
was actually founded by former employees of Toaplan shortly
after that company went bankrupt. That definitely
explains the English in some of their games... for an example,
just scroll to the bottom of this page.
| June 18,
2003... Gleaming the
Cube |
So far, the Nintendo, Sega, and
Other review pages have been redesigned. That leaves the
Sony, SNK, and Microsoft pages left for me to do. I
also have a lot of best and worst of lists to finish in the
Nintendo page, but at least Chris Kohler was nice enough to
write a couple of them for me. I'm grateful for his
support, because I couldn't make any of my own GameCube
recommendations. I've spent a total of two hours playing
the system, and most of that experience was from store demo
kiosks.
It sucks to be broke, y'know
that?
| June 17,
2003... More Site
Updates |
Well, that takes care of another
review page. Two down, four to go!
I'm afraid I don't have a Zoo
Logic comic ready this week. I'm hoping I'll have
something prepared as a send off for when the site goes on
hiatus, though.
| June 14,
2003... Meet the Staff Face to
Face |
Man, I've been hot this
week! I can't believe I've been able to update so
often.
As you know, I won't have the
opportunity to update on a regular basis next month.
However, I'm gonna keep working on the site as long as I have
the time and resources to do it. I'm going to redesign
as many of the review pages as I can... with luck and some
perserverence, I'll have them all finished by the end of the
month.
So far I've started work on two
other pages and finished drawings of most of the
contributors. You can get a sneak peek of the
illustrations here. By the way, if you're included in this
graphic and some of the details in your charicature are
inaccurate, let me know and I'll fix them right away. I
was working from old pictures, including some in black and
white, so there's a strong possibility that the eye, hair, and
skin colors aren't quite on target.
| June 13,
2003... Talk About a Happy
Meal! |
Aw, crap! There were still
some files missing after yesterday's
update! Well, this oughta fix the
problem. You might want to cross your fingers just
in case, though.
I just heard that McDonald's is
going to pack a handheld game with each Happy Meal. Each
of these games are designed by Sega and will feature
characters from both Sonic the Hedgehog and Super Monkey
Ball. Between this and products like Vita-Ball and Yummy
Bubbles (the bubbles that are as fun to inhale as they are to
exhale!), it's a great time to be a kid.
I can't be too bitter, though...
they won't get to grow up with game systems like the NES and
2600. Twenty years from now, my nephew's idea of a retro
gaming experience will be blasting zombies in House of the
Dead II for the Dreamcast.
| June 12,
2003... Just Say
No-kia |
The site's been acting a little
funny lately... hopefully refreshing some of the files will
take care of the problem.
So, have you heard about the
N-Gage? Yeah, that's the new portable that Penny Arcade
called a "shitty cell phone and an even shittier game system"
all rolled into one. Well, it seems that the Nokia, the
manufacturers of the N-Gage, are already getting a little too
confident about the system's success (if any). They've
claimed that their product will have an entirely different
market than the Game Boy Advance and that (here's the kicker)
no self-respecting adult would ever break out a GBA in front
of their friends. To this, I have two
responses:
1) Screw you.
2) Hope you
don't miss the millions of dollars you've invested in this
piece of junk, because it ain't comin' back.
Seriously, though, what's with
everyone suddenly thinking that they can beat Nintendo in the
market they've monopolized for over a decade? They've
crushed far better competitors than the N-Gage with far
inferior products than the Game Boy Advance. Now
that Nintendo's got a great piece of hardware on their
hands, even Sony will have an extremely difficult time
competing on their turf.
| June 11,
2003... Hiatus
Alert |
Now for some not-so-good
news. I'm going to have to put the site on hiatus next
month, for an undetermined period of time. Despite my
qualifications, I haven't been able to find work
anywhere. No, seriously, I mean ANYWHERE... even the
local supermarkets aren't hiring. If things don't change
by the end of the month, I won't be able to afford my
apartment. I have living arrangements elsewhere, but
they're not particularly accommodating for either myself or my
computer.
If you've got any job leads
for an increasingly desperate computer repair technician, I'd
sure appreciate the help. I had no idea that the economy
was in such miserable shape until I started looking for
work...
| June 10,
2003... Dan
Nation |
This is the best news I've heard
in a long time. According to a report by Chris Kohler on Insert
Credit, Dan
Hibiki is not only among
the characters included in SNK vs. Capcom, he's the most
powerful one of the bunch! Finally, I have a reason to
update Saikyo Crusher!
Oh, I should probably mention
that I finally have the first of the review pages
finished. Check 'er out and see if you agree with
my choices for the best and worst games released for Sega's
most popular systems. Speaking of reviews, I forgot to
mention the brief write-up of Beamrider I'd written a few
weeks ago. If you dig the older game systems, you might
wanna click here to read it.
| June 9,
2003... Premature
Adulation |
I came up with this new banner
while experimenting with the staff drawings I made for the new
review page. I guess the pinball bug isn't entirely out
of my system yet...
Anyway, there's a new review
courtesy of John Roche, and a drawing of Clyde on the
bottom of the page. It's not really a comic, but it's
been so long since Clyde has BEEN in Zoo Logic that I felt it
was time to bring him back in some shape or form.
I finally got my hands on a Game
Boy Advance SP. Granted, it was only for a half minute,
but that brief experience was like holding a portable
orgasm. Yes, I need to get a life. Anyway, I can't
wait to spend more time with this thing... I had my doubts at
first, but it really does seem to be a big improvement
over the original Game Boy Advance.
| June 7,
2003... Veasey
Money |
Here's some important news for
fans of the strategy guide site GameFAQs... Jeff Veasey just sold it to the web publishing
magnate CNET. He claims that he'll still be heavily
involved with GameFAQs, but it remains to be seen if he can
count on CNET to give him the same kind of creative control he
had in the past. Forgive me for being skeptical, but
I've seen too many instances where corporations have bought
intellectual properties, then sent their creators
packing. To give you some idea of what I'm talking
about, the inventor of claymation, Wil Vinton, was actually
fired FROM Wil Vinton Studios. Luckily, CNET just owns
the site, not the FAQs sent in by contributors, so if they do
betray Jeff Veasey, his fans can cripple GameFAQs by revoking
the rights to their strategy guides.
I'm watching Mega Man: NT Warrior
right now. It seems pretty faithful to the Game Boy
Advance series despite the new title... the episode I'm
watching is straight out of a scenerio from the first Mega
Man: Battle Network. The only problem is, it's just not
very entertaining. I've seen at least a dozen shows just
like this already. I've got higher hopes for Sonic X,
but to be honest, all these Japanese imports are starting to
wear out their welcome. Thanks to Pokemon and its many,
many clones, anime' has lost its novelty value. Years
ago, I'd watch every Japanese cartoon I could find, but today,
only the best of the best can hold my attention for more than
a few minutes.
| June 6,
2003... More Site Maintenence (nothing to see
here, move along) |
I spent the last couple of days
tweaking one of the review pages. It's still not finished yet, but
I'm putting it up anyway so you can have a sneak peek at what
all the reviews will look like in the future. It's a
much sleeker design than the previous one, and there's more
information included about each of the systems covered.
When it's finished, there'll even be a list of the best and
worst games available for each console. I'm not really
happy with the drawings of the staff that accompany each
review, but keep in mind that this is a work in
progress. Nothing's been finalized... well, nothing
except the cool new logo, anyway. I think that'll be
sticking around for a while.
| June 4,
2003... Rumors of Mario's Demise Have Been
Greatly
Exaggerated |
This just in... Chris Kohler of
Kobun Heat has serious doubts about the reports of
Nintendo retiring their current mascot. Although he
can't find a specific quote denying the rumors, he questions
their accuracy, claiming that Satoru Iwata merely wants to
broaden Nintendo's appeal with new characters, rather than
using them as a replacement for Mario. Chris also
questioned the journalistic integrity of the sites who
reported on (and possibly exaggerated) Satoru Iwata's
announcement. In my defense, The Magic Box is a pretty
reliable news source, and I've never had any reason to doubt
them. I guess we'll find out soon enough if there's any
truth to the rumors of Mario's departure from Nintendo... I
imagine that Satoru himself will deny the reports if they're
inaccurate.
What bothers me most about the
rumors of Mario's retirement is that many people don't seem
all that upset about it. As early as five years ago,
people would have unianimously agreed that replacing Mario
with a new mascot would be a terrible mistake. Today,
some gamers are understandably upset by the rumor, but others
just don't care... they're willing to sacrifice Mario, the man
responsible for Nintendo's twenty years of success, for a
mascot they feel is more relevant. Of course, those
same people would probably abandon the character they
demanded three years later. That's why I think it
will benefit Nintendo in the long run to ignore the cries of a
fickle public and remain devoted to the traditions that have
served them so well in the past.
| June 2,
2003... Iwata You Thinking? (Nintendo
prez considers axing
Mario) |
There should be a Zoo Logic comic
ready by tomorrow... I've finished the artwork but I still
need to color it. In the meantime, I'll set up the
punchline with a disturbing bit of information I heard
recently on a video game forum I frequent. According to
The Magic Box, current Nintendo president Satoru Iwata is
thinking about retiring Mario and replacing him with a more
contemporary mascot, a character that will appeal to today's
gamers.
I've got a lot of respect for Mr.
Iwata, don't get me wrong. He's done a pretty good job
of running Nintendo in the absence of Hiroshi Yamauchi (the C.
Montgomery Burns of the video game industry), and the fact
that he used to design VIC-20 games makes it awfully hard for
me to dislike him. However, swapping Mario for a new,
untested mascot is, to put it politely, completely
insane. The reason Nintendo's been able to turn a profit
year after year, even in the face of fierce competition from
Sega and Sony, is because they've always played it safe.
They've made sound, rational business decisions while
countless other companies have went bankrupt after betting
everything on risky ideas.
Dumping Mario for a new, more
trendy character would be the ultimate risk- and the ultimate
mistake- for Nintendo. He built a strong foundation for
this company, a foundation that has remained intact through
many years of tough competition and industry trends.
Yes, Mario may not be as popular as the sleazy thugs in
Grand Theft Auto or extreme sports stars like Tony Hawk, but
like the Earthworm Jims and Tomb Raiders of the past, these
are just fads. They may burn brightly now, but Mario
will endure long after their lights have flickered
out.
If Nintendo abadons Mario now,
they'll not only dilute their identity but sacrifice the
stability he's brought to the corporation for over twenty
years. Just as Disney needs its Mickey Mouse,
Nintendo needs its chubby little plumber.
| May 27,
2003... The Moore You Know (also, initial PSP
thoughts) |
Yeah, Zoo Logic is still on
hiatus. I just didn't feel like drawing a comic this
week... chalk it up to your typical artist moodiness. In
its place is a drawing inspired by one of the James Bond
films. Call me nutty, but Roger Moore was one of my
favorite 007s. Roger adds a touch of wit you don't often
see in the other Bond films, particularly the new ones with
Pierce Brosnan and (shudder) Timothy Dalton. A View to a
Kill was pure poison... I don't know if it was the post-Cold
War plotline or the decision to hire a handsome but
emptyheaded actor to play James Bond, but the series was never
the same after that rotten excuse for a movie.
I wish I had more to talk about
so soon after the Electronic Entertainment Expo... you'd think
I would, but the only thing that comes to mind is the
avalanche of portable game systems that have either been
released or will be sometime soon. I have trouble
understanding why everyone has suddenly decided that they can
wrest control of the handheld market from Nintendo... every
company that's tried to compete with the Game Boy in the past
was quickly handed a defeat. Sony's hoping to change
this trend with a new Playstation portable, but even with
their intimidating marketing muscle, I don't think they'll be
able to pull it off. From what I've heard about the PSP
so far, it sounds like it'll be twice the price of the Game
Boy Advance, and less convenient to use. Those are two
big strikes against it already. It may be far more
powerful than Nintendo's system, but anyone who witnessed the
unstoppable eight year run of the monochrome Game Boy will
agree that the strength of a handheld console's hardware is,
at best, a minor factor in its success. The PSP will
sell a few million units, but this time, the Sony name won't
be enough to give it an edge over its competition.
| May 24, 2003... A
Two Liter of Shasta and My All-Rush Mix
Tape |
Man, I've really been neglecting this site. I
just haven't felt like writing anything lately... fortunately,
some inspiration struck me late last night (as it always does,
it seems) and I finished two of the reviews in my upcoming
Space Invaders history page. It's turning out pretty
nicely, folks. I think you'll be happy with it when I'm
done, but as you might suspect, it could be a while before
it's finished. I'll probably publish it one page at a
time rather than dumping the whole thing on the site at
once. That way, you'll have something to read early on
rather than waiting months for its completion.
| May 21,
2003... The Price is
Right |
Don't expect anything new and exciting in this update... I
just needed to do some routine maintainence. The
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow review has been improved, and I've
fixed the missing URL of the shooter site I'd mentioned in my
Vsys Gaiden review. By the way, I highly recommend a
visit to Emudek if you haven't been there already. There
are a ton of Japanese shooters to download there, and a few of
them, particularly Rally Raid, are exceptional.
So, has anyone noticed that a lot of Game Boy Advance games
have drastically dropped in price? The Pinball of the
Dead is a meager ten dollars, and I've heard the freshly
released Iridion II has been sold in stores for fifteen
bucks... sometimes even less! Can it get any better than
this? Actually, yes it could, but it would require
Nintendo to adequately support its quickly forgotten e-card
reader. No third party games, no full conversion of
Donkey Kong... frankly, I expected more from Nintendo than
this.
| May 19, 2003... In
the Hunt |
Here it is, folks. As you can see, I've packed a lot
of stuff in this update, but I wanted to add even more.
Unfortunately, it's really late, and I've got a full day of
job hunting ahead of me, so the revised link page and new
counter graphic will have to wait.
I wonder how this year's E3 turned out? If anyone was
there and has some juicy information that the gaming press
hasn't heavily publicized, I'd love to hear about it.
Just post it on the forum so everyone will get a chance to see
it. Thanks!
| May 16,
2003... Nice Contribution,
Jess |
I can think of about a billion things I need to update on
the site. Let's hope I get to a couple of them over the
weekend.
| May 15,
2003... Dragonball Z for
Girls |
It's been a while, but there's a new review on the site
courtesy of contributor Phil Estes. We'll follow it up
with a little something from John Roche in a couple of
days.
I was reading an animation magazine last night and
discovered two pretty surprising things. The first is
that Bandai is releasing a tag-team fighting game based on the
Adult Swim cartoon Inu Yasha. That in and of itself
isn't such a shocker, but the real surprise is that it's for
the original Playstation, as opposed to a system that could
really do the concept justice. Still, I'll be looking
out for this game. It's always nice to have something to
review on Fighter's Misery.
I also found out that the Japanese are selling collectable
cards based on older video games. This was met with some
derision by the editors of the magazine... they responded by
sarcastically asking, "What, is Elevator Action not getting
enough press?" Actually, smartasses, it's not. If
they sold these cards for a reasonable price in the states, I
know I'd buy 'em.
| May 13,
2003... More Astrocade
Impressions |
Once you see it, you'll understand why it took me so long
to finish this comic... it's the longest installment of Zoo
Logic yet, and you wouldn't believe how long it took me to add
the stylized coloring. There's no rational explanation
for Byron joining the cast, but hey, this is Zoo Logic!
I don't need one!
Anyway, I finally fired up the Astrocade, and it's pretty
nifty for its age... not as good as the Atari 2600 or
Intellivision, but head and shoulders above most of the other
game systems released in the late 1970's. The feature
that makes the Astrocade really stand out are those crazy
joystick/dial controllers. The dial isn't just there for
show... it's important, if not totally required, for several
of the Astrocade's games. For instance, you twist the
dial to aim your quarterback's arm in Football, adding a
unique challenge to an otherwise typical sports game.
You can even use the dial to select your favorite game after
the system has been powered on, something that really comes in
handy when your Astrocade's keypad is on the fritz. Oh
well, what did I expect for four bucks?
I don't update the links page often, but I'm giving some
thought to a little spring cleaning. Now that I have all
of my fonts back, it shouldn't be tough to add a miscellaneous
section for my friends' web sites. I'd also like to take
a couple of pages out. I'm torn between giving Sector:
NGP the boot or leaving it in... the rest of the site is fine,
but it's got what has to be the world's most aggressively rude
message board. It's the only part of Sector: NGP that's
regularly updated, and I don't feel it's worth supporting.
| May 9,
2003... Stick to Making Games,
Atari |
The commencement's today, guys. Wish me luck!
Atari Age has published dozens of early gaming magazines on
their site, including three issues of the deservedly
short-lived Atarian. I can't help but marvel (pun
intended) at the stupidity of this newsletter's comic, which
features a superhero who would make even Johnny Turbo groan in
disbelief. Yes, I'm talking about the same Johnny Turbo
with the pot belly and the nerdy gay sidekick.
Amazingly, the hero isn't even the worst part of the comic...
just look at its portrayal of Nintendo as a sinister,
buck-toothed despot who dominates the video game
industry by sabotaging Atari's products. Well, that
WOULD explain why the 7800 was such a piece of crap.
One more thing before I go. I'd like to thank
everyone who made suggestions about how to get my Astrocade up
and running. Now that my classes are over, I should have
more than enough time to spend with the system... I'll post my
thoughts about it in the near future.
| May 5,
2003... Grad
Racer |
Just to warn you,
I'm gonna be busy with tests and a graduation ceremony this
week. I've started work on a comic and the new Space
Invaders section of the site, but neither will be ready for a
while. In the meantime, I've got a drawing of the site's
mascot and a request for you, the reader. How the heck
do you hook an older game system to a television set with a
coaxial cable port but no RF screws?
| May 3,
2003... Astrosmash (early Astrocade
impressions) |
I came across a fantastic find yesterday; probably the best
one in a very long time. Out of the blue, I decided to
take an alternate route back home, and found a garage sale
along the way. It didn't seem special at first, but upon
closer inspection I discovered a Bally Astrocade in its
original box. It was so complete it even included a
warranty card! The best part is that the entire package
only cost me four bucks. That's not bad, especially
since I've been collecting for over ten years and this is the
first Astrocade I've managed to find.
I'll have to cover the system when I've got the time for
it. I've played tons of Astrocade titles already, but
only on an emulator... I'd like to try them with the system's
unique controllers. They're a little hard to describe...
they've got a contoured grip like an analog PC joystick, but
no base. Instead, the point of view hat on the top
controls the action, and can even be twisted like a
paddle. It's a pretty funky hybrid of several controller
styles, and I'm eager to find out if the combination
works.
| May 2,
2003... Solder of
Fortune |
The comic's in color now... as promised! I hope you
like it... and I hope American Greetings doesn't! By the
way, Mother's Day is coming up soon. You know what NOT
to buy this year, right?
I'm feeling pretty upbeat for a change. I'm almost
finished with my classes... I've got just one more test and
assignment to do in Digital Fabrication, and I'm actually
starting to enjoy soldering. I sure as heck didn't feel
that way when I started out, but once I got over my initial
hesitation, I realized that you get a serious power trip from
turning metal into liquid.
I also finally got one of my headlines published on
Fark. It took some perserverence (actually, a whole lot
of it!), but it was ultimately worth the trouble.
| April x, 2003... Let
Them Eat Shortcake |
I'm going to let my pen do the
talking about the recent skirmish between Penny Arcade and American
Greetings... you'll find
the resulting comic below. I still need to add color and
line weights, but that can wait until the weekend. I
just wanted to run the comic itself now while the subject
was still on everyone's mind.
I sure wish I had one of those
inflatable decoy cannons from the game Rachet and
Clank. That way, I could lay down a dozen blow up
dolls to confuse my debtors, then slyly sneak away with my
rightfully earned money while they're busy reaming
them.
| April 29,
2003... Pondering a Site
Redesign |
It sure has been a while, hasn't
it? I'd planned a new Zoo Logic comic, but it isn't
going to be ready for a while. Those comics take a lot
longer to finish than you'd expect.
I'd kind of like to retire the
current site design and try something new. I just don't
want to make it too specific... I've dabbled with the idea of
themed layouts, like a front page with a Shinobi motif, but
that would get old pretty quickly, and I don't have the time
to frequently swap site designs. I can think of at
least one site that can make this work, but this isn't
the one. It's hard enough for me to come up with one
page layout every couple of years, let alone ten.
I'll figure something out, but I
have more important things to deal with right now. My
final college exams are coming up... and I do mean
final, because this will be my last semester of
school. I'll also need to find a new job, because my
career as a workstudy will end the moment the computer repair
certificate falls into my hands.
| April 26,
2003... Mission
Accomplished |
It's obscenely late. Why
the heck do I wait until the last minute to work on updates,
anyway?
Anyway, there's another new 2600
review. I think I'll be going to bed now.
EXTRA!
I'm really starting to warm up to
Mission Hill. It's funny, because I didn't like Bill
Oakley and Josh Weinstein's episodes of The Simpsons very
much. However, it's clear that they work much more
effectively on their own, writing jokes for their own
characters rather than trying to shoehorn them into a
previously existing series. Speaking of former Simpsons
writers, there's something peculiarly entertaining about the
new sitcom by Mike Scully, The Pitts. It reminds me a
little of Get A Life, except less cynical and even more
tripped out.
| April 25,
2003... Reduced Net
Worth |
According to my computer repair
teacher, interest in the Internet is starting to drop.
Seasoned users are starting to tire of the World Wide Web, and
those who haven't surfed the 'net have become more and more
reluctant to grab a board and catch the wave. My
instructor came to the chilling conclusion that maybe, just
maybe, the Internet would go the way of CB radio...
immensely popular at first, but largely ignored after the
trend had ran its course.
I hope the Internet doesn't go
down that path, but I can understand why its popularity is
starting to erode. The Web was originally intended as an
outlet for free expression, but its true purpose has
been ignored by corporations and greedy, inconsiderate
individuals, who bombard Internet users with increasingly loud
and obnoxious advertisements. It's become
so difficult to dig worthwhile content out of the rubble
of pop-up windows and junk mail that less devoted Web surfers
are no longer willing to make the effort.
Hopefully, corporations will lose
so much money pursuing Internet customers that
they'll finally give up the chase, allowing the World Wide Web
to return to the way it was in 1996. Sure, the 'net was
less flashy back then, but there were fewer idiots, fewer
spammers, and almost no corporate involvement. Those
were the days. I hope we'll get the chance to relive
them.
| April 23,
2003... Viaconned |
There's a new review in The 26 Hunter,
folks. It's been a while since I've updated that section
of the site, hasn't it? Well, finally, there's a reason
to start talking about the 2600 again. Collectors have
dug up a small handful of games for the system, and I plan to
review the lot of them before the weekend is over.
I just heard that
AOL/Time/Warner/Turner/Whatever Else They Own sold
its share of Comedy Central to Viacom. That leaves a
nasty taste in my mouth, because I've never liked Viacom much,
and I hate to think of how they'll change the network now that
Warner no longer has a say in its operation. Viacom
still hasn't decided what they want to do with TNN... they're
planning on changing its name to Spike TV next, changing the
programming to appeal to young adult men. I think the
more appropriate title would be Last Nail in the Coffin TV,
because it's hard to imagine anyone falling for such a
desperate, pandering redesign.
| April 21, 2003... Don't
Wanna End up a Cartoon in a Cartoon
Graveyard |
I've been watching a lot of
cartoons lately, and I've noticed two things. The first
is that I really miss the days when people actually put some
effort into animation. As much as I enjoy shows like
South Park, I'd like to see a few producers ignore the current
trend and create a few series with really fantastic,
fluidly animated artwork. It's gotten to the point where
even Klasky-Csupo's cartoons are starting to look good, and
when Duckman looks good, well, that ain't good.
The second thing is that Tress
MacNielle is spread way too thin. Name a cartoon she
hasn't done a voice for and it was probably made before
she was born.
| April 19,
2003... Everybody Wants A Piece (Sega merger
news) |
I was just informed by
contributor Phil Estes that Splinter Cell is actually a
stealth action game. You think I would have caught that
after watching the ten million advertisements for the game,
but I somehow missed that bit of information. I guess it
shows you just how little attention I've been paying to
Splinter Cell. However, I was right in assuming that the
Playstation 2 version was heavily watered down. There's
a certain sense of satisfaction I get from watching the system
slip to the bottom of the technological totem pole after
hearing ad nauseum about its superiority to the
Dreamcast.
Speaking of which, it seems that
Sega's still on the auction block, and all of its former
rivals want a piece of the action. Namco, Electronic
Arts, and Sammy have all expressed interest in merging with
Sega, an interesting turn of events when you consider all the
time they've spent stabbing the company in the back.
Namco released games exclusively for the Playstation,
including obvious derivitives of Virtua Fighter and Virtua Cop
that made Sega's own groundbreaking games seem less
exclusive. Electronic Arts refused to support Sega after
they (wisely) decided against putting 3Dfx technology in the
Dreamcast. Sammy declined to release an American version
of their most popular game, Guilty Gear X, choosing instead to
localize a Dreamcast version of the miserable shooter Death
Crimson OX. If it weren't for the actions of these
corporations, Sega might not be in such sorry financial shape
today.
Anyway, I've heard rumors that if
Namco and Sega merge, Sega will become the controlling company
and the Namco brand name will fade into obscurity
forever. That's a little hard to accept, because as much
as I like Sega, Namco's been an even more important influence
in this industry. If this actually happens, it'll
be the end of an important chapter in the history of
gaming. If not, well, it's anyone's guess who'll try to
take Sega's reigns next. Let's just hope it's not Hasbro
or Aruze...
| April 17, 2003... A
Tough Cell |
What's with all the Splinter Cell
ads? I'm seeing them EVERYWHERE, which is doubly
annoying because I have absolutely no interest in the
game. It's just another first-person shooter as far as
I'm concerned, and Tom Clancy's involvement with Splinter Cell
doesn't matter a bit to me, either. I never paid
attention to his books, so why would I bother with his
games?
Well, you'll never see those
annoying advertisements here. I like to think that I
have more dignity than to contribute to the oversaturation of
this mediocre title for a quick buck.
THIS UPDATE IS
BROUGHT TO YOU BY TOM CLANCY'S SPLINTER CELL. YOU ALONE
HAVE THE FIFTH FREEDOM.
NOW SPECIALLY SCALED DOWN REDESIGNED TO TAKE
FULL ADVANTAGE OF YOUR PLAYSTATION 2.
All right, all
right, I caved. What can I say... they gave me a
LOT of quick bucks.
| April 15,
2003... Guilty Gear
Origins |
Sorry for the lack of
updates. I've been gone on a bit of an extended
vacation... I wanted to come back with a new Zoo Logic comic,
but it's just not ready yet. It will be soon,
though.
I just found out from Insert Credit (a great new site focusing on Asian video
games... in other words, the best ones) that Guilty Gear, the
slickly designed fighting game with a cast of heavy metal
rockers, was originally designed with bland computer rendered
graphics. It would have been just another Killer
Instinct clone if Arc Systems hadn't went another direction
and added the crisp hand drawn graphics that have become the
defining characteristic of the Guilty Gear series. It
makes you wonder why so many other companies cop out and throw
crummy rendered graphics into their games... their
software could be so much better if they took the time to
make them works of art, rather than mere games.
I've got cable at my new
apartment, and I'm loving it. Adult Swim has got to
be the best thing to hit the airwaves (or should I say,
the ground waves?) since those crazy, fun-filled days of
1980's Saturday morning television. Where else can you
find Cowboy Bebop, Futurama, and Trigun all in one
place? I've also grown to like Mission Hill and Inu
Yasha... but you can keep The Oblongs and Aqua Teen
Hunger Force. I just don't see the appeal in a
grotesquely deformed family or an order of fries that looks
and talks like Ice-T.
| April 12, 2003... Tatt
That Ass |
There's a new entry in Fighter's Misery. Shockingly, it's NOT Tattoo Assassins, the
cancelled Data East coin-op that's even more unoriginal
and ridiculous than the company's previous game Fighter's
History. Actually, Tattoo Assassins was designed
specifically by Data East's pinball division. To be
honest, it would have been better off as a pinball
game... it couldn't have been any worse that way.
| April 10,
2003... Statuesque |
I watched the footage of Saddam
Hussein's statue being pulled down first by Iraqis, then by
our own soldiers. Mmm... satisfying. One citizen
of Iraq offered a pretty good suggestion for what to do
with the real Hussein if he's caught... he wanted to lock
the former ruler of the country into a cage and put him on
display in a zoo, using the proceeds to rebuild the
country. It sounds like a fitting punishment,
considering the fact that Saddam had treated his own people
like animals for the last twenty years.
Amazingly, there are some people who are STILL complaining about the war,
treating the destruction of Saddam's statue as though it
were part of an Orwellian nightmare. Somehow, I
doubt that the Iraqi people are going to miss Hussein much,
even if some of our more extreme war protestors will.
Heck, even the Iraqis who fled to my home state of Michigan
are dancing in the streets right now. Oh wait, they
don't really exist... it's all part of some evil government
plot to drum up support for the invasion of other Middle
Eastern countries.
This is where I roll my eyes so
hard they're left spinning in my sockets for the next three
days.
| April 8, 2003... Galaxy
High |
All right, Jess... take deeeeep
breaths... oh yeah, I'm feeling much better now. It
helps that I found a copy of Infocom's Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy. I don't have the time to play the game,
and because it's on a 5 1/4" floppy disc my computer can't
even use it. However, the excellent condition of the
package, along with all the goodies packed inside it,
made Hitchhiker's worth picking up. I got
everything from a Don't Panic pin to a never handy pair of
opaque sunglasses, which all go nicely with my copy
of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
You'll be happy to hear that
we've got new content on the Blitz, thanks to the efforts of
contributor John Roche. I'm not feeling especially
productive myself, but I'll try to follow John's review up
with an article of my own at the end of the week.
| April 7, 2003... Bite
My Shiny Metal Ass |
Now hear this... if you're
disgusted, angered, or offended by anything you've read here,
allow me to cordially invite you to read some other
site. I'm not waffling on my opinions because someone
gets upset with them, and I'm not going to apologize for the
way I feel about a given subject. If you don't like what
I've got to say, that's your own damn problem.
| April 4, 2003... Game
Gear Frogger Leaps Onto the
Internet |
All right, everybody, are you
ready to rock?
Are you ready to let your hair
down and get funky?
Are you ready to play a really
good version of Frogger that you've never tried
before?
(audience erupts in wild
applause)
Well, we've got it for you right
now, people! You can grab the game from either Vertigo: 2099 or SMS Power... while you're there, get yourself a copy of MEKA so
you can play it on your computer. This Game Gear version
of Frogger is so good, you're gonna demand an
encore!
Thank you, you've been
great!
(leaves the stage as the
audience flicks on their lighters and points them
skyward)
| April 2, 2003... April
Fool's Fallout |
All right, everything should be
back to normal now. And I do mean everything, because
Byron's back! The little guy's finally returned
from his vacation, and will be wrecking his usual havoc on the
site in a few days. Until then, here's an illustrated evolution of the character, from his humble beginnings inside my
high school math workbook to the bear he is today.
I know some (probably most) of my
readers don't dig the mascot, so I'll serve up a little
unrelated discussion for the rest of you. I'd like to
talk specifically about the jokes on other websites... a state
of the April Fool's address, if you will. I noticed that
a lot of sites just weren't interested in pulling pranks this
year. The editor of Toastyfrog felt that that such tomfoolery was beneath him, but
this is the same guy who can dismiss the most obscure
references in progressive rock songs as "almost
clever". No offense, Jeremy, but me not know what
Rush song Animate really meant. Me go drag woman by hair
into cave now.
The folks who did participate in
the April Fool's holiday didn't do a very good job of
it. Both VGMusic and Zophar's Domain
arrived at the ball in the same dress, which was quickly
seized by the US Customs office. The government shutdown
prank wasn't especially believable in the first place... I
mean, who's gonna get that bent out of shape over loose fan
interpretations of video game music recorded in the
notoriously primitive MIDI format? However, when two
sites try the same dumb gag, it becomes clear to everyone
that it's just a hoax.
I may sound arrogant for saying
so, but I honestly think my April Fool's gag was one of the
better ones on the Internet, even if it wasn't remotely
convincing. I was also pretty impressed with
IGN's report on the new Game Boy Advance, designed in part
by eccentric boxing superstar George Foreman. It was
capable of fueling appetites with tasty grilled meats while
ruining them with George Foreman's rotten KO Boxing
game. Digital
Press staged an
interesting battle between its editor and a half dozen famous
martial artists, but the joke had already been beaten to a
pulp two weeks prior to that, when most of the characters
started posting on the forum. I have to give Joe some
credit, though... at least he planned his prank well
in advance. Nobody saw the takeover of the DP forums
coming until it actually happened because Iron Monkey and the
rest of his goons were introduced so gradually.
Overall, though, the biggest joke
of all was on anyone who expected to find worthwhile humor
this April Fool's Day. I hope everyone will try harder
next year. I'm also hoping that the web site editors
most capable of making their readers laugh will offer
something, anything other than an excuse that April Fool's
jokes are childish and silly.
| April 1, 2003... Ship
of Fools |
Click here for the
madness of The Gameroom Blitz April Fool's Day
Special. |
